on nugz

rants, raves, contemplating capitalism & getting older over impossible chicken nuggets

I have FEELS on the new Impossible chickin’ nugz. 

For starters, they’re so widely available that I bought them in ALASKA! At the northernmost Walmart! That’s cool (literally)! And awful! Ugh, I’ll get to that.

Moving on, while I’m contemplating the “impossible”,  I am so put off by the packaging on their newish sausages. Plastic tubes, gross. I get it, it’s a normal look, and I’m not the target market. Blah, blah, blah. I’ll get to that, too. 

This past year (oh, this past year…or two....), we stopped buying Lightlife’s similar, long-offered veggie sausage tubes. I was finally icked-out on the plastic and actual consistency, no matter how many sweet brunch dates and “superhero scrambles” we’ve had at Junior’s. 

Lightlife, for the record, is now owned by Maple Leaf Foods, aka the Canadian “packaged meats” company, which is code for factory farming “products”. Don’t worry (sic), they’ve just had a pivot to “sustainability”. Prior to Maple Leaf, Lightlife spent years within the ConAgra universe….aka ahdsfdkgpaerhhhhioifo;dfk;dfer.

Actual references below. I’m getting to it.

I’m bogged down thinking about endless fields of North American soybeans + animal “agriculture” + the oft-lost-hope of family farms +  ugly controlling industry groups + who/what that represents + centuries of Indonesian tempeh + how this is all connected.  If you’re reading this and have access to regionally-produced soy things, especially if they’re not encased in cheap plastic, please enjoy them for me <3 And us.

For anyone else who cares about these things, or dabbles in wanting to buy from slightly better companies sometimes, or hey, just making things from scratch now and then, I dare say I’ve pulled off a seriously “old school” tvp veggie sausage that finally checks enough boxes for both Jules and myself. Just look at this charming website. We had them in biscuit (sourdough rosemary, no less) sandwiches with noochy turmeric tofu on a long Fairbanks errand day earlier this month, and they hit the spot. 

A dash of DIY and a splash of ethics with the weekend brunch…and rural supply runs.

Overall, I don’t mind fakey meaty things on principle. 

They have centuries of history! I can get down with Taiwanese vegan ham (albeit, also in a tube, oy), Italian subs w/ really good vegan “cold cuts” (preferably warmed and partnered with peperoncinis!) and buffalo’d sugar cane drumsticks, done well.

These days, my jaded disinterest and/or angst comes from more of a corporate behemoth groan standpoint: Why is this being made? Who makes it?  Who owns that company? Who are the stakeholders? Who sells it? Who ships it?  How is it packaged?!  etc etc etc. 

Read the room, and by that I mean the increasingly agitated twitters, of my generation.

Oh, OF COURSE, I want to support vegan stuff and what are now entitled “plant-based” products as accessible in nationwide stores  - and beyond, and I dabble regularly in doing so. But, I notice, more than ever, I would prefer a farmers market and bulk bins to uh, daiya string cheese (and that’s not even a bad one, I think, but I’ve never liked it to the point I am not researching it any further).

Pop-tarts didn’t suddenly put “PLANT-BASED” on the cover in this urgently new make-over, right ?! Did a coal mine!?!! Let me sleep tonight…

Anyway. Let’s talk crispy things. 

I really do enjoy crispy-little-coated, bland-ish nuggets, and their bigger iterations. I’m a modern American. I’ve been a kid.

I remember buying boxes of vegan nuggets from Trader Joe’s on the East Coast in the early 00s – they tasted like NOTHING inside, and yet, I kept eating them. I checked the ingredients profusely, every time, as if they were anything wilder than hydrolyzed soy protein and salt or whatever else makes up that aforementioned lightlife veggie sausage and fast food “beef” in the twentieth century. Mmm.

I’ve had the Boca nugz from time to time, which did get “better”, and Morningstar’s stuff, once they went vegan.  I remember being so-so on Quorn before it hit stateside (and went somewhat vegan) from my semester in Limburg, when I went back to vegetarianism, and honestly just thought they were creepy. I preferred fries and falafel.

And of course, I like(d) Gardein chickin’ stuff. Things finally got pretty dang good! [I admit, I’ve yet to try the “ultimate” - and considerably higher priced - tenders line - your thoughts?!]

Back when I lived in a city, Gardein tenders were so convenient and crunchy and good for rounding out a plate, or those rushed or lazy or just EASY late night “dinners” that happened all of the time.  I would buy them on sale (miss you, Winco) and throw a bag or two or three into the back of the freezer. If it was time for a Trader Joe’s pop-in for cat food/wine/snacks, their re-branded ones were in my basket, too. Oh, those were such indulgent, casual shopping trips, in retrospect!

Overall, I have no complaints about Gardein tenders, not really, other than the growing unease of buying a mass marketed product to eat, and perpetually wishing there were more in a bag.

Another more-recent times brand I’ve seen folks talking about is Alpha Foods, which gets points right away for being an entirely “plant-based” company…well, in terms of what they sell, at least.

I bought a bag of Alpha chickin’ patties on sale from the co-op up here, and appreciated the crunch, but there was almost *too* much crunch vs. the interior, and there was something sweet I found odd. Jules could hardly get through one. Would I buy them again? Probably not, although I’ve occasionally seen them in somewhat larger packages at Costco since my original purchase (which I recall is a thing, their Costco partnership). I served them baked, sauce’d, and mozz’d, a la chicken parmigiana.

Again, it’s cool, seeing these West Coast and national brands at the small cooperative grocery store in Fairbanks - as well as the big box-ers. Speaking of, yup, we go to freakin’ Walmart every now and then, which I had stepped foot inside once or maybe twice before moving here. I recognize the privilege in telling you that even trying to shop inside this monstrosity feels intrinsically……evil. Sigh.

I know, I know, I’ve let you far inside my own grappling with veganism’s corporate embrace (and vice versa), the loss of counter culture, growing up, and life in Alaska without getting to the topic at hand: ABOUT THOSE IMPOSSIBLE CHICKEN NUGGETS.

Duh, we liked them! I don’t like everything around them and the act of purchasing them, but we did acquire them from the store mentioned above after a genuine reason to go there, so these were some sort of combination of solace and a treat, ya dig.

Like most every other frozen crispy thing I can quickly thing of, I turned up the heat in the oven and cooked them for a bit longer after the initial 11 minutes at 375F. Jules mentioned similar after they tried them back in June with my sis in Brooklyn, and in lieu of an air fryer and desiring CRUNCH, I went for at least an additional 10-ish at 400F (which I reckon is closer to 425F once our oven really gets going). We were both content with the texture, outside and in, with a mildly pleasant “chicken-y” bite without being too gross or bland, and got to dipping.

According to Jules, “they taste like I remember McDonald’s tasting, but I don’t really remember what those tasted like”. Personally, I stopped eating McDonald’s nuggets before they ‘upgraded’ to white meat (and have quite a few years on my spouse), so I do recall them being grey and squishy inside. Ugh.

The Impossible nuggets offering is easily multiple steps in a more satisfying direction from those vegan chicken nuggets I’m thinking of from two decades prior, and leaps and bounds from my childhood memories of McD’s (because they were not good).

Although, I bet my sister, the nuggets connoisseur, would beg to differ.

I’ve got our spread below: the full bag of baked nuggets, spicy mayo dipping sauce with secret aardvark hot sauce & agave, sautéed kale with miso & garlic, pickled sugar snap peas (2020 canning), and some bonus crudités and parsley-tahini ranch.

get to dipping, indeed.

Would we buy them again?

If I had picky eater kids and these were carried in larger bags, sure! (cue my own screaming)

If I worked full time and lived in a city again, probably.

If on sale, more likely! (There was a $2 rebate on ‘em, fyi)

In my current reality, probably not…

However, Jules adds, “I see it, I like it, I want it, I got it”, so stay tuned.

As for our next storebought nugz adventure, I’m eyeing the Simulate brand, which kinda freak me out and yet intrigue me at the same time, with a large photo of an actual chicken on the stark white box. Ditto for one I think is another “vegan company” (with super influential backing - more on that below).

I realize I am by no means the target audience for these things anymore, and that these mainstream products can totally offer some good - some potential relief - for the MONSTROUS AND INSIDIOUS animal agriculture industrial complex, and the animals, humans, and planet that are in its horrific, non-stop life-taking umbrella.

I recognize the minimal-to-potentially-HUGE health and environmental benefits for everyday humans (!) picking up a pack of beyond sausages vs. pork.

I can almost say I consider these “good” for our shared future of civilization as we may know it. 

I will equally emphasize that plastic packaging, even the technically-recyclable or those bags I merely re-use once after scooping the cat litter, do more and more to bum me out, the older I get.

Oh, it burns, literally and figuratively. And we live in one of the very few places in this enormous state with an actual “recycling” program! 

Which doesn’t take tofu containers, for the record, which means I will pack them in my luggage the next time I fly somewhere, recycle in another state, and have more room for the results of visiting a Trader Joes, ideally. Cue triple depressing surreal horror, paired with buying less, shopping in bulk, and cooking from scratch, even more. For sanity and the earth.

These thoughts linger in my head…..

Are these bigger & bigger fake meat brands increasingly bad?

Did everything “used to be better”!?

(As in, before a buy out, and, every other way you can apply that one)

Aren’t all BIG BRANDS fundamentally evil? Highly debatable. 

Don’t I want people to stop eating animals? Don’t I want to see a massive decrease in animal “agriculture”?

Is the Western diet awful for the human body AND the planet or what!?!? 

Do I think the irreversible damage to the earth’s atmosphere and the cry of “CLIMATE CHANGE” is more noticeable to everyday humans vs. the awareness of slaughterhouses and all their damage - physical, emotional, environmental, endless?! 

Sigh. It takes absolutely uproarious financial investment to change large-scale food systems. Those decades of counter culture practices become trends, leading to the launch of specialized products, which in turn become expanded lines with grand backing. Shout out to the DIY nutmilk bags, those who carried cartons of nondairy milk in their bag to work for coffeebreaks, actual nuts, cupcakes, baketivism, and centuries of cross-cultural influence that get this going. On the plus side, the vegan coffee creamer game is exciting and available. On the downside, there are probably “plant-based” hot cocoa (non-fair trade!) single-use Keurig cups.

Back to nugz….Does this bit of comfort food that’s certifiably vegan from a contemporary “vegan” company give us something tasty after a long day (and millennium)? YES.

 Does it lead to more plant-based big business growth? YES.

(brace yourself, I’m about to switch the bolds around)

Is this all GOOD? 

Well, I’ve evidently lost whatever goodwill and naivety I had in regards to the business world.

Does every purchase matter? I do believe it, however that leads.

I can answer this one: Do I want my burgers to taste like meat? Not really.  I get that I’m primally outnumbered on that one.

As much as I get a kick out of buying a 4 pack of beyond burgers marked down to $1.99 “for emergencies”, I miss legit veggie burgers (and I don’t want those boxed & frozen).

Do I want my chicken nuggets more realistic? Almost. Sorta?

Were these Impossible nuggets dramatically better than the Wegmans storebrand my sister and I cooked up in Brooklyn in June? Sure, but not to the point I want to pay multiple dollars more (which leads me back to other capitalist concerns, yikes).

Do I now think “BURGER KING” and “SAUSAGE TUBE” every time I see Impossible’s logo?

Yes and yes.

Is that what the heinously funded company and its expert marketing division want? 

Clearly.

Do I miss going to fast food spots? No.  

Will I eat fries from Wendy’s on a layover one day? Begrudgingly, perhaps (and the last time I tried to, they were missing salt!!! They had none!!! I now have a tiny salt packet in my travel bag in case something like this ever happens again!!!!)

Do I want to support vegan options at fast food places? Eh, pass. I think we are well beyond needing my single purchase of a vegan burger at the big hitters.

If I lived in a city, I think we can easily point to a struggling (noticeably or not) vegan-offering independent joint that could use the order way, way, way, way, way more.

I get it, it’s (STILL) a pandemic. We’re losing our rights left and right, costs are rising EVERYWHERE, we’re pretty much all in debt, the state of American politics is largely horrendeous, life is exhausting, and many of us have access to legal weed and these are NUGGETS (on the brighter side with that last one, mostly). Do what you will, but, let’s keep trying, too.

A little from column A, more from column B, and whatever column C is unfolding as.

Are better-tasting, widely-available fakey chickin’ nuggets really cool in a futuristic way? Okay, I’m into it.

At the same time, how has that “future” been these days, eh? Hmmm…

Consequently, for the from-scratch crowd, are we itching to make our own chickin’ seitan? Yes, please.

Is that as crave-able as the nostalgic mainstream ease of frozen breaded nuggets in a bag? Nah, not really. But, that’s part of the point.

Do I now want to make straight up beans, rice, and greens for dinner, at our cabin in the woods? You know it.

In conclusion, am I thinking too much about all of this?!?

Oh, no.

Kitchen  update since I started ranting:

Two nights after the contemplative nugz, with the goal of using up the leftover dipping sauce, I made a baked batch of “Wheatsville Popcorn Tofu” with seasoned breading (flour, nooch, cornmeal, spices) in lieu of making chickin’ seitan from scratch, and for the matter, my own breadcrumbs.

T G I Kale

I’ve got the recipe from the Sunny Days zine included below - you just need to cut down the quantities to feed dozens & dozens less. I used straight up aquafaba, because it was in the fridge from recent Instantpot chickpeas, to get the coating to stick to the well-drained tofu. The empty tofu receptable joins the club.

If you’ve been to Austin and eaten this, well, then you know how crave-ably good this stuff is.

from a zine in support of the Sunny Days Farm Sanctuary

References + Related Links:

• The Buddhist Mock Meats Paradox, TASTE, April 25, 2018

• ConAgra: Corporate Rap Sheet, Corporate Research Project

• ConAgra to pay the largest criminal fine ever in a U.S. food safety case over tainted peanut butter, The Chicago Tribune December 14, 2016

• Homemade Vegan Chicken Nuggets, 86eats.com [which looks quite similar to Miyoko’s in HVP]

• Impossible Foods Raised $500M in Funding, FINSMES November 14, 2021

• Junior’s Cafe website, of Portland, OR [[how are they doing these days?!]]

• Maple Leaf ends use of gestation crates, Alberta Farmer Express December 9, 2021

• Maple Leaf Foods vowed to become the world’s most sustainable protein company. This is how their VP of Sustainability plans to do it. The Globe and Mail November 25, 2021

• Oatly’s Blackstone Controversy: Why Big Investments is Bad News for Sustainable Businesses, Eco-Age.com September 30, 2021

• Popcorn Tofu, Wheatsville Co-Op (recipe circa the 2011 Sunny Days zine)

• Jay-Z Investing In "The Most Advanced (Vegan) Chicken Nugget On The Planet, The Richest June 13, 2021

• Kellogg’s removes its logo from Pop-Tarts boxes, Boing Boing December 19, 2021

• Impossible Foods opened its first vegan fast food restaurant in metro Phoenix, Yahoo! News December 12, 2021

• Oat milk maker Oatly sells $200m stake to Blackstone-led group including Oprah, Private Equity News, July 14, 2020

• Plant-Based Food and Beverages Alternatives Market Size Forecasted to Reach Valuation of USD 32.29 Billion By 2027, Tech Bullion, December 15, 2021

• TVP Breakfast Sausage Patties, Vegetarian Underground (I went for flax eggs, fyi)