six months prior...
walking with elephants + digital diary from a tender january
In retrospect…
There’s one word that calmly meanders up into my head (and heart) to describe the past January: Tender.
The first month of a new year.
The second of my hiatus.
(Sorta, technically) the third in a re-emerging state of solitary, personal existence.
And now, this sixth month of the year is unfolding at a very, very steady pace.
Tender.
Let’s get this defined with Merriam Webster:
Tender:
: marked by, responding to, or expressing the softer emotions : fond, loving
a
: showing care : considerate, solicitous
tender regard
b
: highly susceptible to impressions or emotions : impressionable
a tender conscience
Check, check, check. If I do say so myself. I certainly will.
Then, I did a quick search for lyrics & quotes with the term “tender”. Nothing quite fit.
Love me tender? One day, sure. One may dream? Shrug.
For now, Part I = Divorcée jess, unfolding. Continued. Continues!
For now, Part II (er, XLII) = Self-love, sibling love, comfort food, nature, and the opportunity to meet and stroll with epic creatures during a single day of experiential, profound time.
The symbols of Thailand: Chang, the Elephant. Six month later, I remain processing those feelings, among all the others I work through, and with, and towards. <3
That’s me, trying to find the words. Yeah, more below.
Tender, to the bones.
(And might I add, that’s a similarly titled and inspiring, descriptive culinary memoir by Ruth Reichl I read at least a decade earlier. Recommended, darlings.)
While I don’t mind going on, I feel like I’ve said so much already.
Therefore, I would like to let a digital diary list and accompanying, oft-tender and awe-some photo documentation from that early month – specifically the “walk with elephants” my sister signed us up for – say the rest. Speak its own stories.
That can be the point of photos. The interpretation. The sharing of “captured’ moments that means so, so, so much more.
One-liner Reflections + Photos from that Tender January:
Embracing a month + plus of my newly short hair. Oh, I’ll sneak in a couple of personal photos.
Becoming a regular at not one, but two ! weekly farmers / fresh markets.
Biking again, every single day. More than I had in yearssss.
Meeting new people and making connections, as my newer self.
Shedding tears, and witnessing the downpour shift to softer, sporadic sobs.
Staying in a series of AirBnbs I felt more & more comfortable in. [Related: having my intended & booked month-long stay literally stink, and positively shifting to 2 great units in the Chomdoi Towers].
Re-learning the ease and fulfillment of (always) cooking for one, again.
Swimming / activating an international sim card / budgeting / thrifting. Living.
The solace of a morning view. An evening view. Table for one. Fruit on a balcony.
Getting past a ‘bout of laryngitis, which I note happened for a second time while ‘traveling’ in the month of January. Aye yi yi.
Slowly claiming space (s) with my Chiang Mai habits…where I’d coffee / chill / write / shop + Khao Soi.
Figuring out myself, and new routines. Deep in the then-new, eat / read / cope of it all.
Getting into the practice of writing / reflecting / writing / these missives from the no-longer-North.
Then, my sister near-miraculously arriving for two weeks, which included….
Sharing the city I’d come to know during a strange and beautiful, changing time in my own life.
Sharing the city we’d sampled, almost a decade prior.
Sharing my new routine of Saturdays at JJ Market, culinary exploration + whims.
Corner khao sois = one jay, one Mark Wiens / more quintessential thrifting / coffee shops, galore.
Most imperatively & preciously - nurturing our own tender bond as sisters.
Pushing each other’s boundaries in tender, soulful, and trying ways - through so much fascinating food, and the moments - before & after.
Ending the month with the tenderest of them all….my sister’s suggestion, her rightful insistence - a walk through time, place, personal, global, species reflection - a walk with elephants.
If you know a vegan who’s visited northern Thailand, it increases your odds of knowing a vegan who’s told the magnificent tale of visiting and/or volunteering at Elephant Nature Park, the legitimate, ethical sanctuary system founded by Lek Chailert in 2003, that operates as a renowned rescue and rehabilitation center.
I’ve known many of these vegans through the years. I’d been curious, to say the least. Intimidated, to say something else.
I had witnessed elephants in Thailand and Cambodia on previous, fortunate visits to SE Asia, though never in…such peaceful states.
Then, my sister signed us up, and it touched a part of me that I acknowledge goes beyond my current state of human existence.
Perhaps to my soul, to my tender core, to being a teeny tiny part on a planet in time, with unimaginable, yet maternal and familial, creatures, all…existing.
You can read all about Elephant Nature Park’s history and opportunities to visit, and meet the elephant on their website.
My sister and I experienced (the word barely sums up what this all truly was) the ‘Sunshine for Elephants’ project, “an ethical elephant project in a wonderful location, providing a safe and caring home in nature for rescued elephants. Almost a decade ago, this elephant camp stopped offering elephant riding and transitioned to our Saddle Off model to allow elephants to live a more natural life.”
We spent the day at Sunshine, and then a full + fulfilling afternoon learning more from our guide & meeting so many more tremendous creatues at ENP itself. Mesmerizing.
As I recall, this is one of many similar camps that due to the lack of tourists during Covid, Lek was able to acquire into the greater Elephant Nature Park ecosystem.
No more bathing, riding or work for the creatures. This was retirement, and respect.
Deep breaths.
Flooring and again, tender to those bones.
References + Relevant Links:
curry stain chronicles, the scone archives January 30, 2025
on the road again, the scone archives April 18, 2023
the khao soi that changed my life, ditto February 25, 2025
Roastniyom(s) (ditto, a quality + convenient local chain)
Street Coffee Crew on insta (a sister fave)
Tender at the Bone by Ruth Reichl
To be continued, because, that’s how it goes. <3
I’ve been chatting with you in comments and notes Jess and just realised I hadn’t subscribed to your Substack. I loved this piece Jess. I’d be starring at the fellow in the white linen shirt too.
Oh Jess - this read was like taking a slow, deep breath. Your writing glows - there's so much love in every image and word. Thank you for sharing your tenderness with us 😊